By FRANK BRUNI

Published: February 20, 2012

In the intensifying debate over same-sex marriage, what I sometimes find hardest to understand is why so many opponents don’t see gay people’s longing to be wedded as the fundamentally conservative, lavishly complimentary desire it is. It says marriage is worth aspiring to and fighting for. Flatters it. Gives it reinvigorated cachet, extra currency, a sorely needed infusion of fresh energy.

If those seem like odd phrases to attach to what is sometimes called holy matrimony, well, consider the unholy state the institution is in. Around the time last week that New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was vetoing a same-sex marriage bill that the Legislature had passed, The Times published a front-page story by Jason DeParle and Sabrina Tavernise reporting that the country had reached an ignoble milestone: more than half of births to American women under 30 happen outside marriage. I doubt that a significant fraction of those babies’ parents are gay men or lesbians forbidden to wed. No doubt the huge majority are straight people who haven’t bothered to.

Those who do bother don’t make such an impressive go of it. Although there’s dispute over the divorce rate in this country, most authorities estimate that between 40 and 50 percent of first marriages won’t last. And practice doesn’t make perfect: the divorce rate apparently rises for second and third unions, like Newt Gingrich’s with Callista, a supposedly pious Roman Catholic woman whose devotion didn’t dissuade her from sleeping with him while he was married to his second wife.

The religiousness of this country’s social conservatives is a selective, capricious, hypocritical thing. Some Catholics who cite church teaching to explain their opposition to same-sex marriage have broods much smaller than they likely would if they let nature have its way. They’re using artificial birth control, which, as we’ve recently been reminded, the church officially rejects, a stance that illuminates just how ludicrous some orthodoxies are.

It’s funny (but, then again, not): in the past, homosexuals were denounced as sexual libertines who brazenly flouted society’s norms. Now many of us are pleading to be yoked to those norms, only to be told by many Americans, including many political leaders, that that’s not O.K. either. The only possible takeaway is that we’re meant to be outliers forevermore, unworthy of the experiences and affirmations accorded others.

Christie’s veto — considered alongside the fervent support for marriage equality that Andrew Cuomo, the New York governor, and Martin O’Malley, the Maryland governor, have shown — provides telling clues about how the issue will shake out politically in coming years.

A Republican with designs on national office has to assume that even in 2016, a gay-friendly record would be a burden in the primaries, which tug moderates far to the right. If Christie fantasizes about a future presidency — or an imminent vice presidency — opposition to marriage equality is probably the safer bet.

But has he risked his chances at a second term in New Jersey, which is more liberal than the nation? Cory Booker, the Newark mayor, who is frequently mentioned as a possible Democratic challenger to Christie next year, explicitly reaffirmed his support for same-sex marriage last week.

I don’t discount the possibility that a measure of conviction informs politicians’ actions. But there’s usually calculation in the mix. Cuomo and O’Malley are rising Democratic stars whose advocacy for same-sex marriage suggests confidence that more Americans are moving in that direction. In polls, large majorities between the ages of 18 and 34 support marriage equality, and when I talk to parents of teenagers, many tell me their children simply don’t understand discrimination against homosexuals. And their children aren’t permissive across the board: many oppose abortion. They’ve grown up with more evocative sonograms than once existed.

By this week’s end, O’Malley may be signing a marriage-equality law in Maryland. The State of Washington just adopted its own. Although either could be overturned by referenda later this year, the legislative momentum is undeniable, and O’Malley’s words of support point an interesting way forward.

He has framed same-sex marriage in part as an attempt to take proper care of children in households headed by two men or two women by making sure their parents have the same legal protections and responsibilities — the same spurs to stability, however flawed — that heterosexual parents do. And that exact logic was cited by a previously reluctant Republican in the Maryland House who voted in favor of the state’s same-sex marriage bill last week.

Both politicians were talking about family values, two words that have often been invoked in the argument against same-sex marriage. It’s time to turn the phrase around. What gay and lesbian couples are asking is to be recognized as families. And they’re just idealistic enough to hope that everyone realizes how much value there is in that.

February 7, 2012 |  9:57 am

Tuesday, January 24, 2012 - 2:19pm by Danny Heffernan, GLAAD's Advertising & Campaigns Fellow

Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa was among a group of 80 mayors in Washington on Friday who pledged their support for gay marriage and announced an initiative aimed at expanding marriage rights for same-sex couples.

The initiative, called Mayors for the Freedom to Marry, was announced during a press conference held at the U.S. Conference of Mayors' winter meeting. Villaraigosa will co-chair the group.

"If we truly believe in family values, we should value all families," Villaraigosa said. "Denying gay and lesbian couples the freedom to marry weakens society by hurting our communities, neighbors and families."

The group, among others, includes Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg of New York, Mayor Rahm Emanuel of Chicago and Mayor Annise Parker of Houston, who is openly gay. The group is an offshoot of Freedom to Marry, a national organization that pushes for same-sex marriage rights.

Also among the mayors in the group is Republican MayorJerry Sanders of San Diego, who in 2007 relented on his previous opposition to same-sex marriage, saying that he could not accept that his daughter was less worthy of marriage because she is a lesbian. "Allowing loving and committed couples to join in marriage has benefits not just for couples and their families -- but also for society," Sanders said.

Villaraigosa has long been a supporter of same-sex marriage rights and stringent opponent of Proposition 8, the 2008 California measure that banned gay marriage. In 2008, he presided over the marriage of a same-sex couple, uniting a Hollywood producer and his five-year companion in a short ceremony at City Hall.

"Playgrounds and Prejudice: Elementary School Climate in the United States" First National Study to Look at Homophobia, Gender Nonconformity in Elementary Schools

 

Gender Nonconforming Students at Particular Risk for Bullying, Many Teachers Unprepared to Address Issues of Gender Expression, LGBT Families

On February 1, join GLSEN for an in-depth look at the study findings from Playgrounds and Prejudice. Participants will also learn more about GLSEN's elementary school toolkit, Ready Set, Respect! Register for this webinar here: http://glsen.us/elementarywebinar

NEW YORK - Jan. 18, 2012 - The Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN) today released a new report on school climate, biased remarks and bullying, Playgrounds and Prejudice: Elementary School Climate in the United States. The report, based on national surveys of 1,065 elementary school students in 3rd to 6th grade and 1,099 elementary school teachers of K-6th grade, examines students' and teachers' experiences with biased remarks and bullying, and their attitudes about gender expression and family diversity. The surveys were conducted by Harris Interactive on behalf of GLSEN during November and December 2010.

 

"School climate and victimization can affect students' educational outcomes and personal development at every grade level," said GLSEN Executive Director Eliza Byard. "Playgrounds and Prejudice offers invaluable insights into biased remarks and bullying in America's elementary schools. The report also shows the need for elementary schools to do more to address issues of homophobia, gender expression and family diversity."GLSEN today also released Ready, Set, Respect! GLSEN's Elementary School Toolkit, an instructional resource developed to help educators address issues raised in Playgrounds and Prejudice, particularly teachers' willingness to address but lack of understanding of biased language, LGBT-inclusive family diversity and gender nonconformity.

"Over the past few years, there has been an increase in research on bullying in schools, including elementary schools," said GLSEN Senior Director of Research & Strategic Initiatives Dr. Joseph Kosciw. "However, our report is one of the few that examines bias-based bullying at the elementary school level and the first to examine incidence of homophobic remarks and the negative experiences of children who do not conform to societal standards in their gender expression from a national vantage point."

"Playgrounds and Prejudice articulates a desire among elementary educators to create optimal learning environments for all students, but there is a larger need to provide educational tools and resources that enhance their understanding of gender nonconforming students and families with LGBT parents," said Byard. "Providing this kind of support to teachers and school staff serving our nation's youngest students will build a lasting foundation of learning and development for all elementary school students."

Key Findings on Biased Language, Name-Calling and Bullying

 

• The most common forms of biased language in elementary schools, heard regularly (i.e., sometimes, often or all the time) by both students and teachers, are the use of the word "gay" in a negative way, such as "that's so gay," (students: 45%, teachers: 49%) and comments like "spaz" or "retard" (51% of students, 45% of teachers). Many also report regularly hearing students make homophobic remarks, such as "fag" or "lesbo" (students: 26%, teachers: 26%) and negative comments about race/ethnicity (students: 26%, teachers: 21%).
• Three-fourths of students (75%) report that students at their school are called names, made fun of or bullied with at least some regularity. Most commonly this is because of students' looks or body size (67%), followed by not being good at sports (37%), how well they do at schoolwork (26%), not conforming to traditional gender norms/roles (23%) or because other people think they're gay (21%).

Key Findings on Gender Non-Conforming Students

 

• Nearly 1 in 10 of elementary students in 3rd to 6th grade (8%) indicate that they do not always conform to traditional gender norms/roles - either they are boys who others sometimes think, act or look like a girl, or they are girls who others sometimes think, act or look like a boy.
• Gender nonconforming students are less likely than other students to feel very safe at school (42% vs 61%), and are more likely than others to indicate they sometimes do not want to go to school because they feel unsafe or afraid there (35% vs 15%). Gender nonconforming students are also more likely than others to be called names, made fun of or bullied at least sometimes at school (56% vs 33%).
• Less than half of teachers believe that a gender nonconforming student would feel comfortable at their school (male student who acts or looks traditionally feminine: 44%, female student who acts or looks traditionally masculine: 49%)
• Only a third (34%) of teachers report having personally engaged in efforts to create a safe and supportive classroom environment for gender nonconforming students.

Key Findings on Family Diversity

 

• Seven in ten students (72%) say they have been taught that there are many different kinds of families. However, less than 2 in 10 (18%) have learned about families with gay or lesbian parents (families that have two dads or two moms).
• While an overwhelming majority of elementary school teachers say that they include representations of different families when the topic of families comes up in their classrooms (89%), less than a quarter of teachers report any representation of lesbian, gay or bisexual parents (21%) or transgender parents (8%).
• Only a quarter (24%) of teachers report having personally engaged in efforts to create a safe and supportive classroom environment for families with LGBT parents.

Key Findings on Teacher Preparedness

 

• A majority of elementary school teachers believe they are obligated to ensure a safe learning environment for gender nonconforming students (83%) and students with LGBT parents (70%). Eight in 10 teachers would feel comfortable addressing name-calling, bullying or harassment of students because a student is perceived to be gay, lesbian or bisexual (81%) or is gender nonconforming (81%).
• Less than half of teachers (48%) indicate that they feel comfortable responding to questions from their students about gay, lesbian or bisexual people. There was a lower level of comfort found among teachers (41%) responding to questions from their students about transgender people.
• A majority of teachers (85%) have received professional development on diversity or multicultural issues, but less than half of teachers have ever received specific professional development on gender issues (37%) or on families with LGBT parents (23%).

Methodology
Findings in Playgrounds and Prejudice: Elementary School Climate in the United Statescame from online surveys conducted by Harris Interactive on behalf of GLSEN among 1,065 U.S. elementary school students in 3rd to 6th grade and 1,099 U.S. elementary school teachers of Kindergarten to 6th grade. The national sample was drawn primarily from the Harris Poll Online (HPOL) opt-in panel and supplemented with sample from trusted partner panels. All respondents were invited to participate through password protected emails. Interviews for students averaged 15 minutes in length and were conducted between November 3 and November 29, 2010. Interviews for teachers averaged 20 minutes in length and were conducted between November 11 and December 7, 2010. The data were weighted to key demographic variables to align with the national population of the respective groups. No estimates of theoretical sampling error can be calculated. In addition, an online strategy session was conducted on June 14, 2010 among a group of 20 elementary school teachers of grades ranging from Kindergarten to 6th grade to inform the development of the survey. Key informants (e.g., elementary school teachers, administrators, students, and teacher educators) reviewed the student and teacher surveys to assess for comprehension and face validity. A full methodology is available upon request by contacting GLSEN Public Relations Manager Andy Marra at amarra@glsen.org.

About GLSEN
GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network, is the leading national education organization focused on ensuring safe schools for all students. Established in 1990, GLSEN envisions a world in which every child learns to respect and accept all people, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression. GLSEN seeks to develop school climates where difference is valued for the positive contribution it makes to creating a more vibrant and diverse community. For information on GLSEN's research, educational resources, public policy advocacy, student organizing programs and educator training initiatives, visitwww.glsen.org.

About Harris Interactive
Harris Interactive is one of the world's leading custom market research firms, leveraging research, technology, and business acumen to transform relevant insight into actionable foresight. Known widely for the Harris Poll and for pioneering innovative research methodologies, Harris offers expertise in a wide range of industries including healthcare, technology, public affairs, energy, telecommunications, financial services, insurance, media, retail, restaurant, and consumer package goods. Serving clients in over 215 countries and territories through our North American and European offices and a network of independent market research firms, Harris specializes in delivering research solutions that help us - and our clients - stay ahead of what's next. For more information, please visitwww.harrisinteractive.com.

Friday, January 13, 2012 - 3:26pm by Elana Stone, GLAAD's Media Field Strategist